"There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn you need love and don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then....it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. The only difference is....death ends. This...it could go on forever." Meredith Grey.
This struck me for two reasons.
1. I completely understand and relate to what she said. I've only been in one relationship in my entire thirty years of living. I thought I experienced love. I'm not so sure I actually did anymore. The end of that relationship, however, literally almost killed me. It's sounds so stupid to say that now but at the time of that breakup I didn't want to keep living. Ridiculous I know. Love is scary. Like terrifying to me. Love is scary to me because I don't ever want to feel that pain again. Again, now I'm not so sure I was in love, but you get the point. It's easier to be alone. No risk of being hurt if you are alone. I guess that's why I never put myself out there. Ever. Well I did try online dating recently. That was a disaster. Online dating is definitely not for me. I seriously have quit trying. There doesn't seem to be a point. People always say when you stop looking that's when you will find it. Blah blah blah! What 30 year old single woman is not thinking about the fact that she is still single. What 30 year old woman is not looking. Maybe not actively looking but for sure always thinking "what if" about this one or that one. Come on. So don't tell me to stop looking. It's in our nature. We notice men. Let's be real. Anyway, I understand why Meredith said it's easier to be alone. Totally get that.
2. Now the second thing that struck me is when she said "What if you shape your life around it and then....it falls apart?" Well....yeah. I know that if you shape your life around any human being on earth, it will most likely fall apart. They will most likely disappoint. I've had my share lately of trusting people and letting them in my life only to have them completely let me down. Men of the church that I greatly respected and looked to as father figures letting me down. It hurts. It doesn't make sense. This is why we should never shape our lives around other people. It doesn't work. Who should we shape our lives around? Jesus. Jesus is the only person who will not let us down. Jesus is the only person we can truly trust to hold our hearts and know that He will not break it. We have to be whole in Him. He loves me and you more than any man ever could. Isn't it comforting to know that there is someone who you can trust with your entire heart? There is no greater love than the love of Jesus. I know that this may sound corny and unrealistic, but these facts are the only things that are holding my life together right now. When everything else seems to be falling apart, I can still be believe that Jesus loves me. He loves us so much He gave His life for us. That's some kind of love!
So I see where Meredith is coming from, but unfortunately, I'm not sure Meredith has ever experienced the love of God. (Well, maybe the writer of this has never experienced God's love) I can't imagine a life like that. It makes me want to pray for these people. You will never be the same after you truly experience the love of God. That moment when He wraps His arms around you! Ahh....nothing better. I love when God holds me. I love I love I love the way You hold me. Thanks Jamie Grace.
P.S. If you know of a wonderful man of God send him my way. :)
I'll leave you with my favorite YouTube video of all time! Love her heart!
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